Never the Twain

TV
—/100
MovieNerd Score
Sign up to ReviewCreators & Cast

Never the Twain is a British sitcom that ran for eleven series from 7 September 1981 to 9 October 1991. It was created by Johnnie Mortimer, and was the only sitcom he ever created without his usual writing partner, Brian Cooke. Mortimer wrote the entirety of the first two series and four episodes out of six of the eighth, with the rest being mainly written by Vince Powell and John Kane. It starred Windsor Davies and Donald Sinden as rival antique dealers, and also starred Derek Deadman, Zara Nutley, Robin Kermode, Tacy Kneale, Julia Watson, Honor Blackman, Teddy Turner and Maria Charles. The title is taken from the Rudyard Kipling poem; The Ballad of East and West.

Filmmaking

Overall
?
Screenplay
?
Acting
?
Cinematography
?
Production
?
Directing
?
Concept
?
Story
?
Dialogue
?
Characters
?
Pacing
?
Musical Score
?

Attributes

Entertaining
?
Uniqueness
?
How Much I Like It
?
Twists
?
Artistry
?
Fun
?
Cliche
?
Cheesy
?
Broad Appeal
?
Cerebral
?
Emotional
?
Discussion Worthy
?

Genres

Comedy
?
Drama
?
Suspense
?
Action
?
Mystery
?
Thriller
?
Horror
?
Adventure
?
Romance
?
Science Fiction
?
Fantasy
?
Animation
?

Maturity

Family Friendly
?
Positive Message
?
Thematically Mature
?
Intense
?
Sexuality
?
Nudity
?
Violence
?
Gore
?
Crude
?
Profanity
?
Scary
?
Substance Use
?

0 Reviews

No reviews, yet!

Creators and Cast

Creators

Cast

Episodes

Season 1

6 episodes

S1 E1 · Families At War

The feuding fathers find out about the relationship between their son and daughter and consider taking steps to prevent a marriage.

S1 E2 · Of Meissen Men

Veronica appears on the scene - causing Simon and Oliver to compete for more than antiquities.

S1 E3 · A Night At The Opera

Veronica wants to go to the opera in Edinburgh. Simon and Oliver each compete to be her date. Simon has to find a replacement au pair.

S1 E4 · A Matched Pair

Oliver's antiques shop is burgled. A pair of pistols is reported missing, but when these mysteriously turn up in Simon's shop Oliver turns this misfortune into an opportunity to make money from an insurance claim. Simon is arrested when a police officer spots the pistols in his shop window. To encourage Oliver to assist him in getting the charges dropped he agrees to help Oliver get membership at his golf club.

S1 E5 · Nothing But The Truth

Oliver beats Simon to a painting they both want. But is it a Constable or not? David confesses propositioning another woman, jeopardising their engagement.

S1 E6 · Father Of The Groom

Simon holds a dinner for Oliver, Lyn and David, his ulterior motive being to expose Oliver's lack of etiquette. Lyn prepares for her move into Simon and David's home. David and Lyn's wedding day arrives.

Season 2

6 episodes

S2 E1 · Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed ?

Simon nominates Oliver for membership of his golf club. Oliver holds a function for the committee members to win their support. Lyn and David are on their honeymoon and return to find Oliver and Simon quarrelling over their wedding presents.

S2 E2 · As Young As You Feel

Simon and Oliver seek to win Veronica's affections. Oliver reaches the age of 50. Lyn is concerned about her father being lonely, but David is concerned about the amount of time she spends with him.

S2 E3 · A Woman's Place ...

David and Lyn quarrel about her taking a full-time job. Oliver seeks a new cleaner. Simon is losing to Oliver in a telephone chess game and becomes suspicious about Oliver's apparent skill at the game.

S2 E4 · Blood Brothers

Simon needs a blood transfusion, but he has a rare blood type. Oliver has the same blood type and agrees to donate in return for favours from Simon, including dating Veronica.

S2 E5 · lf You Knew Susan

Simon's sister visits him and Oliver immediately falls for her. Simon and Oliver each purchase one of a pair of figurines and then attempt to purchase the others to make a valuable pair.

S2 E6 · The More We Are Together

Oliver and Simon each separately consider reforming their partnership due to the poor state of their accounts and the imminent arrival of the taxman.

Season 3

6 episodes

S3 E1 · Taking Stock

Oliver and Simon have re-entered their partnership. They decide to do a stocktake. Oliver meets up with an old school friend, Bethan. Confusion ensues over a fake watch and a "pair" of candlesticks.

S3 E2 · Partners

Simon receives an offer for his shop. Oliver thinks that Ringo has won the pools and breaks his partnership with Simon, offering Ringo a partnership. However, thinks are not what they seem for either man.

S3 E3 · A Nose For Quality

Both Simon and Oliver believe that they have appointments to meet Lady Deveraux with a view to purchasing some of her antiques.

S3 E4 · The End Of The Line

Oliver and Simon discuss the issue of grandchildren. David claims to have had a vasectomy. Oliver and Simon join a dating agency as an alternative route to continuing their family lines.

S3 E5 · The Welsh Connection

Simon and Oliver go on a health kick. An auction in Wales causes disagreement between the two men.

S3 E6 · Not On The Same Wavelength

Simon and Oliver are invited as guests onto a radio show. The two men become convinced that Lyn is pregnant.

Season 4

6 episodes

S4 E1 · A Home of Your Own

David and Lyn have moved to Canada. Simon needs to find someone to rent his flat quickly before his Aunt Eleanor moves in.

S4 E2 · The Royal Connection

Oliver attempts to gain the Royal Warrant for his shop from the Prince of Wales. Simon investigates his family tree in the hope of finding that he has blue blood.

S4 E3 · Words and Music

Oliver and Simon volunteer to perform at a Vet Circle luncheon for Caroline.

S4 E4 · No Flame Like An Old Flame

Simon's life becomes complicated when an old sweetheart pays him an unexpected visit.

S4 E5 · Love's Neighbours' Lost

Oliver and Simon duel over a woman, Caroline. But they find that there is another man vying for her affections.

S4 E6 · Come Fly With Me

No summary.

Season 5

6 episodes

S5 E1 · In Whom We Tryst

No summary.

S5 E2 · Going, Going, Gone!

No summary.

S5 E3 · Thicker Than Water

No summary.

S5 E4 · Kung Who ?

No summary.

S5 E5 · Reading Between The Lines

No summary.

S5 E6 · Definitely Not Cricket!

No summary.

Season 6

6 episodes

S6 E1 · Feed A Cold

No summary.

S6 E2 · Going To Pot

No summary.

S6 E3 · Love ls A Many Splendoured Thing

No summary.

S6 E4 · A Night To Remember

No summary.

S6 E5 · The Battle Of Deveraux Dale

No summary.

S6 E6 · Affair of the Heart

No summary.

Season 7

6 episodes

S7 E1 · Settled Out of Court

No summary.

S7 E2 · The Wagers Of Sin

No summary.

S7 E3 · Betrothed, Bothered And Bewildered

No summary.

S7 E4 · The Second Time Around

No summary.

S7 E5 · Born To Blush Unseen

No summary.

S7 E6 · Fasten Your Seat Belts

No summary.

Season 8

6 episodes

S8 E1 · Grandfathers-In-Law

No summary.

S8 E2 · Nursery Times

No summary.

S8 E3 · Whose Baby ?

No summary.

S8 E4 · Never Say Die

No summary.

S8 E5 · Moving On

No summary.

S8 E6 · It's A Long Way To Friern Barnet

No summary.

Season 9

7 episodes

S9 E1 · Just The Ticket

No summary.

S9 E2 · A Question Of Honour

No summary.

S9 E3 · A New Lease Of Life

No summary.

S9 E4 · Aspects Of Love

No summary.

S9 E5 · Neighbours

No summary.

S9 E6 · Bonjour Paris

No summary.

S9 E7 · A Winter's Tale

No summary.

Season 10

6 episodes

S10 E1 · X Marks The Spot

No summary.

S10 E2 · S.W.A.L.K.

No summary.

S10 E3 · Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

No summary.

S10 E4 · Happy Holiday

No summary.

S10 E5 · There But For The Grace Of God

No summary.

S10 E6 · A Car By Any Other Name

No summary.

Season 11

6 episodes

S11 E1 · Viva Espana

No summary.

S11 E2 · The Best Laid Plans

No summary.

S11 E3 · Born Again

No summary.

S11 E4 · There Goes The Bride

No summary.

S11 E5 · Two Fools And Their Money

No summary.

S11 E6 · The First Of The Queue

No summary.